even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
