Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
