Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
