Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
