Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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