I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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