Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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