im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
