when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
