You're my little dorito
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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