clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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