apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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