Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
