i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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