My nipple is on Facebook.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
