I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
