She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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