the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
