why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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