DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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