ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
