Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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