Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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