Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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