I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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