Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
