Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
