Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
