I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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