forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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