I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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