I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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