Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
