my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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