There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
