you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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