great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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