Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
