Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
