I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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