How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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