There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
