I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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