Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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