allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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