I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just had sex on a roof
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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