WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
