Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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