I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
