i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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