I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
