did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Every concussion has its silver lining
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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