they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
