Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
