hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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