tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
