She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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