i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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