No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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