every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
