I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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