She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
only you would photoshop your dick
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
