you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
