Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
