I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
