No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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