At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
